MEET THE BAND
These guys are the new cool kids on the block.
And ladies, they are tastier than stuffed crust pizzas and slicker than drive through take-aways.
Let's take a little look-see at who's who...
Main Singer
"Don is my fat son." says manager, Ste Gull.
"My fat son Don is no stranger to the limelight.
As a fat baby I knew he had star potential so I hired him out to a freak show owner friend
of mine who billed him as 'The Fat Farting Baby.' He was a smash hit and farted for the then
Prime Minster John Major at a garden party somewhere.
At the age of six I created a brilliant cannonball act for him but it ended in tragedy when
he landed in the crowd and killed a man.Don's got the voice of an angel
and he's going to be a superstar. And wealthy, with any luck.
I have detailed lists of all the food he's eaten over the years and I want my money back.
Have a look at this picture of him. It looks like he's posing in a reflective, thoughtful way,
like Justin Timberlake would, but really he just didn't want to share his chips."
FAVE TELLY SHOW - Big Cook Little Cook|
FAVE SONG - The Big Cook Little Cook theme tune.
FAVE BOOK - Pizza Hut menu
HOBBIES - Littering.
LIKES - Big Cook Little Cook.
DISLIKES - Bad things like wars and that.
Or when something bad happens to a nice family like a fire or something. 'A' (19)
Singing, Harmonies and Yeah Baby's
Many moons ago 'A' was in a Steps tribute band called Stairs
and that's how he chose his stage name.
He sussed H was called H for Homosexual - the most interesting thing about him -
so he called himself 'A' for Appetite, his greatest asset. We don't know his real name,
but that's going to be ideal for contractual and royalty disputes in a few years time.
A'S QUICK Q&A:
FAVE TELLY SHOW - Big Cook Little Cook
FAVE SONG - That song off the Burger King advert.
FAVE BOOK - Yellow Pages.
HOBBIES - Getting in a lift with skinny people and bouncing up and down really hard to scare them.
LIKES - I enjoy the freedom of going to the toilet outside.
DISLIKES - When a fun fight turns nasty and you don't know whether to back down
and laugh it off or use it to air a personal grievance to great effect.
Singing, Harmonies and Lal La Laas
This lad is the brightest of the bunch and knows that boybands have a limited shelf life.
With that in mind he's taking acting lessons to become a film star when the band
eventually split up in a year or two and end up hating each other.
His real name is Peter Harrision, but like Harrison Ford before him,
he's used his second name first and chosen his favourite type of car to be his new surname.
HARRISON'S QUICK Q&A:
FAVE TELLY SHOW - Big Cook Little Cook
FAVE SONG - I hate music, that's why I joined a boy band.
FAVE BOOK - The Atrocity Exhibition by JG Ballard. Described as the 'zenith of experimental novels'
I found my copy in a bin and instantly recognised it as the perfect book to put under the wobbly desk in my bedroom.
HOBBIES - Sending loads and loads of taxis to an empty house.
LIKES - GMTV presenter Kate Garraway's big boobies.
DISLIKES - The angry feeling you get when you ring a constantly engaged number. Like a really popular Chinese.
Singing, harmonies and Wooooohs
Being called Hercules - this lad was always going to be a big 'un.
But that doesn't stop him being very handsome.
You can have fat handsome people you know.
Fishfinger is his stage name, obviously, as he felt his real surname of Strongarm sounded a bit silly.
Hercules's stage costume befits his Greek God name and security have to stop the ladies
from storming the stage to oil his out-of-shape-Adonis type physique. Or leaving.
HERCULES'S QUICK Q&A:
FAVE TELLY SHOW - Big Cook Little Cook
FAVE SONG - The sound of an ice cream van.
FAVE BOOK - I think I'm a bit old for colouring in!
HOBBIES - Chewy
LIKES - Hubba Bubba
DISLIKES - Paper cuts from pizza boxes.
