MUSICAL

Guitar, electric. Smashed to utter pieces. Ideal for lazy, wanna-be rock monster

Piano, pristine condition, recently tuned, but haunted by the ghost of Al Johnson

Brand new Ipod. Genuine reason for sale - it's nicked.
10 available.

Vintage drum kit for sale. Very old, once owned by Anne Frank. What was she thinking!?

COMPUTERS

Ex Soviet home computers.
Big and bulky, but cheap. Warning, do not use near military airfields.
May cause WW3.
But cheap!

Smug Computer Fixers.
You won't know if we're overcharging you because we won't tell you what needs doing. If you know better
fix it yourself.

Printer FKit Paper Jam Ink Gobbler 2000. Very reliable.

COMPUTER THINGY Modgem Nipplenet series 3 XD Lapnodle Floom-Ready -
no, we don't know what
it is either but your pc is in danger without one!

GAYSTATION - with 10 camp games inc Interior Designer, Trouser Raider, & Julian Clary's Marginally Rude Sodoku.

FITNESS

Multigym and barbecue set, burn off the calories
as you eat them.

Children's kick boxing trousers, ideal for kicking kids.

Graham Norton punchbag - you'll never tire of
lacing into it.

Golf Club for sale, St Andrews in Scotland, offers around the
5 million mark.

Exorcise bike, the more you peddle the more ghosts are banished from your house.

Fern Britton exercise video, you too can have a body like hers, if you're not careful.

INSTANT ABS fit tummy stencil and long lasting
spray paint.

INSTANT BEER BELLY
300 cans of Scottish
strength lager.

Jordan exercise video for men, build those biceps!

WINDOWS AND DOORS

UPVC French doors, very ornate, disappear if there are Germans in the garden.

AGGRESSIVE WINDOWS AND DOORS, ring for a quote or we'll send our thick, cocky canvasser dickheads round to annoy you.

Hate your neighbour? Shottem Bricks break all types of windows in one go, guaranteed!

2^nd hand patio doors for sale. Super see-thru design,
but does have imprint of late husband on one side.

Possessed internal doors,
made from ex-lunatic asylum doors, each one contains a demon, great ice breaker for dinner parties.

TOYS

Winnie The Pooh talking Nazi bear, gives three of Hitler's speeches.

Rocking horses made
from real dead Shetland
ponies or large dogs.

Remote Control Drink Driver car, comes with little bus stop
to crash into.

Bob The Real Builder doll. Actually it's an empty box,
the doll never turns up.

Matches, great fun for chav kids or any problem children.